Beccalynn married a Counting Mutant. Together they created a Renaissance family. Wild Oat found them in his 20s and now is married with three kids. Ase and Zany, former dancers who now bravely face life as emerging adults. Girly dances, collects dead things and faces her teen years with superpower logic. Creatively they navigate life through Jesus’ gift, asking uncomfortable questions to discover the deep love that awaits us all.
After any kind of tragedy, personal or within the community
that is the first question asked. Why so young. Why so many. Why didn't God
intervene? Why not a miracle?
I spent many years asking this question. Crying out to God.
Talking to therapists and mentors. Journaling until my pen ran dry. Each time
disappointment added to the pain in my heart. There was no answer that made the
pain go away. Never would an answer bring back what was lost. No answer would
heal a relationship.
I do not regret that season of Why because it taught me
about grieving. In our culture, we don’t allow much time for it. We are
expected to get on with it. Often the “encouragement” is to let it go and move
on. Traumatic losses are not switches that can be flipped off and on. It isn't
simply indigestion of the soul that a burp can relieve. It is a deep cut that
needs tending. Ignored it festers into bitterness, resentment and anger. With
the proper tending the healing process will be long and leave its mark, but in
the end love, joy and health will return.
Part of the healing is a season in the land of Why.
It is important because it gets us talking: to God, to others, and ourselves.
Sometimes the answers fall flat, others are a soothing salve, but the answers
never solve the problem. It is when I came to accept this that the next stage
of my healing began.
How am I going to get through today? How can I share the
grace and love I have received in this season of grieving with others? How can
I get to know God better?
After suicides, flashbacks, misunderstandings and constant
change, How is my focus. It doesn't make it easier, but life is smoother. Whenever
my mind visits the Land
of Why, I remind myself
to focus on the How. There are no answers for me in Why any longer. My energies
are better focused in the present moment. How doesn't erase what happened, but
it turns it into something to grow from. The scars from the past will never
disappear. They aren't meant to. They are part of my character.
In Rick Riordan’s book, The Red Pyramid, Bast-the cat
goddess- is asked to heal a battered old tom cat. Bast replies;
“And take away his
marks of honor? A cat’s battle scars are part of his identity.”
Thanks to those few words, I learned that everything I
experience makes its mark. Some beautiful others unsightly, but all together my
life is lived. My story is told to hopefully encourage and inspire others.