Wednesday, June 26, 2013

About Me- An Enchanted Demise: Part 1

Originally Posted on September 18, 2010. The Twenty-third anniversary of our first date. The Mutant remembers it every year with out fail. Our wedding anniversary- well, we all have a few flaws.

Photo taken by clarita
School supplies were the least of my worries as I prepared for the second year of college. At some point, everyday, I would see the love of my life on campus. Insides would heave. A tragedy of errors filled the last

six months of our relationship leaving irreparable damaged. With no idea how to go forward; the only logical plan was to become the black hole that consumed me. I might as well be in total control of my demise. I was tired of constantly working so hard to live right only to fail in epic flames. No longer would I be a victim, I would make my own consequences, damn it!

Friday, September 18, 1987, my first victim walked me to my car after class. Phone numbers exchanged. I did not know his name; didn't matter anyway.  He would have his way and I would be spectacular. Then he would never have me again. I would leave him in the ashes of wanting. 

The phone rang. I answered and all he said in reply was, "Hello." 

Photo taken by Dzz

I slightly panicked; he didn't identify himself. The reality was, the parents would never let me go out with Nameless. My evil plan shuttered.

I awkwardly asked, “I’m sorry to ask, what’s your name?”

He laughed, “I think I’ll tell you when the date is over.”

I attempted the flirtatious whine, “Oh, come on, you can’t torture me like that…”

A chuckle answered my question, “My name is Scott.”

Scott picked me up. The Good Girl life would be history by the end of the night. We went to dinner with his friend who was rude, obnoxious and sexist. If Scott was anything like his friend, this would be a breeze. 

After dinner in the car, Scott apologized for his friend’s behavior. Magnanimously I accepted his apology. Reveling in how well my plan was going, empowered by how badly dinner went.

Photo taken by  nasirkhan

"U Got the Look" by Prince played as we drove to our next destination. The song fit my theme, mindless, physical attraction. We began singing. Our voices blended, my intention of seduction waned. Magic struck.  Caught off guard, my soul took a breath. He and I fit, seamlessly. I felt free for the first time in a year. 

Then the song was over.  I shook it off as we laughed at the moment. The movie he chose was, "The Pick-Up Artist" with Robert Downey Jr. and Molly Ringwald. He offered to kill time at a yogurt shop as we waited for the movie time.  We stood in line behind other drooling dating couples. I needed to distract myself from the gooey people around me, so I asked Scott questions. He had big answers. He wove a future of endless possibilities. Visions of a great adventure flooded my consciousness: I wanted to be there with him. To see if he could do all of the things he dreamed possible. That devious plan of mass male annihilation began to crumble.

The movie was less than stellar. Self-absorbed and self-destructive characters mirrored my evening's plan. It realigned my focus. I can do this, I told myself. The theater began to clear, he brushed my forearm. I turned as he glided in for a kiss. It was quick, sweet and unexpected. 

Back on track, I braced myself for what was to come.  Dinner-check.  Yogurt-check. Movie-check.  Now for some dark alley or field and the back of his car.  I can do this! I chanted to myself.

Quietly we walked to his car. He opened the door for me. We drove and mindless chitchat was perfectly distracting as I powered up my reserves.  It is unfortunate, I thought, he seems like a nice guy. But I have to start somewhere.

Photo Taken by  nasirkhan
We parked. I don't know how we got there, but we were in front of my house. My heart dropped into my feet. Panicked thoughts raced: What does this mean? How can I do this in front of my house?  How long before my Dad comes out? 

I looked at him. He looked at me and leaned in. I took a deep breath.

It was a good kiss. My engines were running. He pulled back a little. Looked deep into my eyes and softly said, "Good Night."

With head spinning I got out of the car and walked into the house. By the time the door closed, I was fuming! My plan derailed; what was I going to do now? He would call. He would want to see me. I had no reason to cut him loose. This was a nightmare!  Not NOW!  I didn't need a new person in my life.  I was a mess.

A Mother Life

1 comment:

  1. AWW how sweet :)
    Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day hook Up


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