Sometimes you are lounging on a lily pad in Monet’s Garden and sometimes your legs are fried on a plate in a Micheline Star Restaurant. Beccalynn navigates it with theology, humor, art, crafting and words. If we live a life filled with love the more love we discover. No matter where our flippers land.
For some it sounds like the ocean. For others it is
the sound of children laughing or their soft breathing while they sleep.
At long last heard it for myself; the sound of my own heart
For the first time in my life I had moments where the
musings in my head were quiet. I never considered that was possible. My
heart’s beat was a complete harmony. The fear and shame that I wore as I lived
in this town evaporated. No longer did I fear a run in with someone who
knew me from that dark period of my life.
That little post about my first date 23 years ago created an
iconic moment in my life.
It started on, September 18, 2010. I posted the
beginning of my relationship with The Mutant. He remembered and was excited
about our first date anniversary more than our wedding anniversary. A few
hours later I noticed that a friend of mine on Facebook "friended"
the Him from the essay.
As the week progressed, I received a messaged that he posted
my piece on his wall. Curious, I took a peak at his wall, not stalking, just a
quick look. He referenced unanswered prayers along with the link.
This Him, who was caught in horrible crossfire, prayed for
I began pondering what action to take. A second post
was written not only as a story, but also a public apology. I was publicly
ugly, it only seemed right. What followed was even more amazing.
He wrote me, relieved to understand what
happened. Then he offered the gift of forgiveness. I struggled for 23
years to forgive myself. How could I face those who knew both of us at the
time and stayed loyal to him? I was able to pardon myself which granted me
a certain amount of peace. True freedom escaped me though.
On this day, he released me. His life was good. Where
we were exactly where we were meant to be.
I felt the shattered pieces of myself reverse. The shards connected and a new heart
melted together. It looked like stain glass, noticeable lines where the
glass was glued back together.
I spent the next few days living within the rewinding movie
explosion. All the lost pieces of myself pulled together because of a new
gravity. As the healing continued, it looked like a piece of Venetian Glass.
Instead of the imperfections and scars being held together with metal, beautiful
blends of colors and textures melted together. A complete, whole and
beautiful new heart was mine.